When the Wheels Come Off

It was unbelievable. A third straight wild pitch by a professional baseball pitcher to UNLOAD the bases… and it may have been because of me?

Now I can get into my love of sports and competition here in full detail, but I don’t think there’s enough time nor memory storage to allow me to do so. What I can do though, is break down some of the pieces of it that I enjoy the most. Today’s topic is good ol’ fashioned distractions and heckling.

Heckling, trash-talk, chirping, psyche-outs, getting under one’s skin– however you want to phrase it, is part of sports and competition. To be able to throw your opponent off their game with a few good words or actions is an art unto itself. Sure there is bad heckling. Anytime something is particularly mean, hateful, or vulgar isn’t kosher in my book. Then there is the boring, trite, and just plain unoriginal jabs people take that hit like a wet blanket (I’m looking at you “What a save!”-ers on Rocket League). Those are easily shaken off and SHOULDN’T deviate a serious competitor from getting the job done. But then there lies the, what I’ll call, masterpieces– the true art of heckling.

To show you the recipe for a great heckle I’ll do my best to describe its ingredients first:

• Relevancy: It needs to have some sort of relevancy to what is going on. Don’t be completely random for the sake of being random. Know your context (atmosphere, opponent, history, etc) and what can truly be used to make it hit with the most impact.
• Timing: A great heckle can either be done in long or short durations. Quick poignant heckles can fully take advantage of the element of surprise but also full build-ups can make somebody have steam coming out of their ears just dying to shut the other person(s) up. Just please don’t fizzle out.
• Humor: If you can make somebody laugh (or others observing the meltdown) laugh then you are golden. The target of the heckle is now in a completely out-numbered situation. Again though, don’t be mean, blue, or make threats, keep it clean.
• Play by the Rules (I guess): If it’s customary for a crowd to be quiet like in Golf or Bowling, then I guess be quiet. I mean I’d actually prefer to see these sports with cheers and jeers happening instead of pin-drop silence, but then again something as subtle as a crackling water bottle could drive somebody over the edge.

We’ve seen plenty of examples of the power of distraction throughout history. Basketball student sections have gotten very creative in the past twenty years. Some of my favorite examples are these two:

Heckles are a staple in sports movies from the more tame Ferris Bueller and Cameron saying “Suh-wing batta” to the outrageous string of “psyche outs” in Baseketball. Sometimes we see the tables turned when it comes to heckles as well. Reggie Miller’s infamous “choking” gesture towards Spike Lee and Knicks’ fans through the basketball world into mayhem in the NBA playoffs back in the day. And also let’s not forget my favorite sport, hockey, and its long history of chirps and wild fan antics. Although a bit cliché at this point, it’s still hard to beat the deep howls of fans chanting the opposing goalies name or the “green guys” in Vancouver and their penalty box absurdities.

So naturally, being the sports fan and performer that I am, I enjoy dishing out some good ones myself. Growing up there was a constant back and forth with my friends whenever we played real life sports or during video games. In high school there was a particular school I always wound up pitching against that had two kids on their bench that would constantly try the same stale heckles- one of which was after a pickoff attempt, they would say “Wait for the good one. That WAS the good one!”. Well little did they know that I actually prided myself on my pickoff move (I modeled it after Armando Reynoso- look him up, he was nasty with it). I would purposely use what looked like a fast move over the first time, but then go full 100% the next one and walked off the field multiple times with a little head nod saying “that was the good one 😉”. It was very satisfying.

But never in my life would I imagine what happened at the beginning of this post. The context was that it was my nephew's birthday and I wanted to show him a good time down in Coney Island. We did all of the rides and such (almost threw up), ate some Nathan’s, and then hit up the Brooklyn Cyclones game. My wife and I had been laughing at the old “Abraham Lincoln” sketch by the Whitest Kids U' Know (NSFW) and thought it would be fun to mix in some heckles crafted around that.

We had front row seats behind the plate so we knew the players would be able to hear us. This was definitely confirmed when we were loudly counting the number of times the opposing pitcher would bounce his hands up and down before coming set. “1…2…3…4…5!” the three of us would chant together. Then, with a runner on first, we started counting and the runner took off right away. The pitcher didn’t stop his routine at all and the runner easily stole second- he basically walked the last 10 steps to the bag. So we knew we were on to something.

In the following innings I started to incorporate some of the lines from the Lincoln sketch (cleaned up of course as we’re in a public place with families having fun), so some "Turn around throw it again"s on repeat or "Now you messed up! Now you messed up! You have messed up now". When a player looked in my direction I responded with "I don't know why you're looking at me, games on the field".

It was the bottom of the seventh inning in a tight game as the home team Cyclones led 3-2. A new pitcher took the mound for the Aberdeen Ironbirds, Ricky Ramirez and immediately walked the first batter. His inning then settled down with two quick outs but then he threw a wild pitch.

I, being the supportive fan of the opposing team I am, gave him the advice Booth’s wife gave him to “just calm down” from my front row seat. He ultimately walks that batter. Then a single that scores a run- the crowd gets louder. Aberdeen’s manager comes out to talk to his pitcher. “Listen to the manager Rickey! Calm down, just calm down!”. He walks the next batter- things are starting to unravel.

The bases are loaded now but there’s still two outs. Ramirez could find a way out of this with only one run surrendered. Then what happens next blows my mind to this day. I’ll just post the screenshot of the box score for you to see.

Not one, not two, but THREE STRAIGHT wild pitches to unload the bases- all with me and my guests continuing our advice to “just calm down”. A nice, good, clean heckle may have produced one of the most epic meltdowns in minor league baseball history.

So my advice to you is to go out and support your teams. Just because you aren’t playing on the field doesn’t mean you can’t have an impact on the game. I challenge you all to come up with fun ways to do it as well… and in a fun way (as nobody wants to be around the vulgar person (or really cliché person) when they are trying to enjoy a game).